Tears

So, last Thursday my grandfather died. It was something that was unexpected, while at the same time my family and I knew it was coming. My mom called me on Thursday night and told me, and I just started crying, almost to the point of uncontrollable. My grandfather was past 85 years old, and had been in a nursing home since I was 17, and declining since before that. Yet, I still couldn't help but be surprised by this. Even now, as I sit here, I am on the verge of tears just thinking about it.
So my brother and I drove to Dyersburg, TN last Friday after he got out of class, and most of the rest of my family was there, or on their way. My Aunt and Uncle from ATL had to fly my cousin in from Germany (where he is stationed) so that he could make it to the funeral. And I thought that I would be fine with everything, the visitation and the funeral and all that, but I wasn't. The visitation was Saturday, and we got there, and between my grandmother crying, my dad crying and my brother crying, I couldn't control myself any longer either. I am sad that my grandfather died, but I couldn't handle seeing my grandmother in so much pain, nor could I handle my dad and brother crying. Both of them are usually so solid and strong. My brother crying, or any of my guy friends, seeing any of them in pain hurts me. I couldn't view my grandfather's body... I just couldn't. The thing that probably helped me get through the weekend though was how everyone was so understanding and just there for me. Lacey, my best friend since I was 5 let me just come and hang out with her last Thursday night so that I didn't have to be alone. My Shotgun girls sent me condolences and well wishes, and I am so sad that I haven't seen any of them in three weeks! Having Tom call me on Saturday meant a lot, because I know that he's been through this before. Lacey's parent's and our "family" (Jerry and Karen, David and Leighanne, Jean and Art). The family brought my cousin Owen from the Memphis airport. I just don't think I could have made it through this whole experience without any of them. They were there to help us clean, to support my parents at the visitation. I don't think Mrs. Wendy left my mom's side the whole time. These people mean more to me than anyone, especially now.
It's been close to two days since we buried my grandfather, and I can't seem to stop being sad. I have teared up in class all day, and I know that my professors and my classmates are thinking "that girl is a freak!", but I can't help it. I just get hit all of a sudden with a giant wave of sadness. And it's not all the time, and I'm trying to be my usual happy self, but it's hard.
So, to end a very depressing post, things are looking up. I know that my grandmother is partially relieved because my grandfather isn't in pain anymore, and my dad feels the same way. It's going to be hard for a while, so if anyone sees me tearing up at random times, just let me deal with it (and that might mean an outburst, or silently), but I'll be ok, because of all the wonderful people that I know are there if I need them. And I've realized that life is short, no matter what age you live to. So LIVE it to all the potential, and put yourself out there. It's the only way to enjoy it!