If you're thinking of jumping, there's a reason

In the last week, I've had relatively the same conversation with two people.  Ok... one of them was not so much a converstaion as I read her blog and responded... but it still applies.  Both people are thinking about what comes next in their lives, what happens after "x".  One is a friend here in Wyoming that I've played frisbee with and he's thinking about graduate school.  I guess I'm seen as the expert around here on grad school since I'm on my third degree in 10 years, none of which are a Ph.D., as well as the fact that when I got the chance, I moved across the country.  The other friend I think is thinking along the same lines, but has also had a lot of change in her life, and always feels like things are changing.  Both of these friends have likened change to standing on the edge of cliff, looking over the edge, and wonding what will happen if they both jump. 

Talking to both of them has made me think back on the changes that have happened in my life over the last two years.  Two years ago, I was waiting for the economy to stop circling the drain so that I could find a job in Atlanta, getting by on next to nothing, living with family, and playing as much Frisbee as my body and bank account would let me.  I had someone that I loved and trusted decide that she was going to stop being friends with me, which at the time was absolutely devastating.  But honestly, that was kind of the push I needed.  That was the push that shoved me off the cliff,a small cliff, say only 10 ft or so, that I needed to get my life started again.  I was given the opportunity to meet some great people in the Atlanta ultimate scene I don't think I would have met otherwise, and got to play only my second season of club ultimate.  It was great- it was like starting over without having to move.  Those are still some of my favorite people in Atlanta, and I think about them often here in Wyoming. 

That little jump wasn't quite enough though- oh no- I was ready for my adventure!  I decided that if the economy wasn't going to help me move on in life, I was going to help life along.  I was going back to school... again.  This time, for a master's in geography.  I started looking at schools, with the only requirement being that it be a school in the mountain west or in the Pacific northwest.  I wanted something different from Atlanta and the south, I wanted adventures!  I started looking at schools, contacting potential advisors, and quickly narrowed down the schools that were potentials.  I went to a geography conference in Knoxville, and the fates aligned- I met my now advisor who was giving a presentation at the conference.  I had never thought about Wyoming, but why not?  So we talked, and he offered to even recommend some schools for me once I emailed him my research interests.  I did, and we both had quite a few research interests in common, but the schools he recommended for me if Wyoming didn't seem like the place for me were UNC-Charlotte, Mississippi State, and University of Memphis.  Yeah... that wasn't going to work for me.  So, Wyoming it was!  It also happened to be the only school I applied to- so far, in my post-secondary career, I've only ever applied to one school (UT, GSU, and UW).  Fate seems to like me.

So, here I am- and thankfully everything came together just the way it was supposed to- apartment before I moved out here found, funding offered, extra jobs acquired- things fell into place.  And I think that if I hadn't had that shove and then chosen to make the other jump, the big one, things wouldn't have ever changed in Atlanta for me, and I needed the change.  It was scary to take that last big jump, the one that made me leave Atlanta and the safety net I had created for myself there, but it was the right thing for me at the time.  It's still scary sometimes, but if you are standing at the edge of the cliff of change, you're probably ready to make the jump or you wouldn't be peaking over anyway.  I'm glad I jumped, even though sometimes my friends have to talk me down off the emotional cliff (I really like cliff analogies apparently).  The changes have made me appreciate, love, and miss my old life, friends, and family, but not enough to give up this adventure.  Besides, there's another cliff and another decision in a year to make :)

The advice I ended up giving both friends is this:  if you have the opportunity to jump, just jump.  Again, you wouldn't be there if you weren't ready, and if you don't jump when the opportunity arises, you'll regret it later and always wonder "well, what if...?"  You don't know what will keep you in a place later and take away the opportunities that could have been, so never have "could have been"s.  Embrace the changes, learn from the mistakes, and jump.

checking in

I've had this conversation a few times recently, but it keeps coming back to haunt me, especially when it's me that's giving the advice.  For me and a few other people that I love, we don't live on the same side of the country as our family and a majority of the friends that have been important in the recent past, and this is hard to deal with.  Even though we all realize that we are leading different lives than the people we love and miss from "home", wherever that may be, it's still hard.  And usually, I end up telling or discussing the following in some version:

There are many types of friends, and once a person moves, you realize what kind of friend you have.  There are three kinds:
1) The kind of friend you always keep up with, can check in with, no matter the circumstances.  You talk on a regular basis, keeping up with each others lives by more than facebook.  The person that is always excited to talk to you and you are always excited to talk to.  Both people work for the friendship- and both definitely have to work and both realize this part of the friendship.
2) The kind of friend that you don't have to talk to regularly or check in with, or even at all, and you're still friends.  You and the friend are able to pick up right where you left off the last time, as if no time has gone by and nothing has changed.  You catch up, and things are as they have always been.
3) And then there's the third type- the kind of friend that kind of moves out of your life because neither in the relationship are willing to work hard enough to keep it going.  Sometimes it's gradual and you become more like acquaintances than friends, or it could be that it just stops.  Whatever, but both are OK with this.

I feel like all my relationships fall into one of these three categories (and thankfully anyone that reads this, all three of them, fall into one of the first two), but sometimes, there is the friend that on my end is a Type 1, but for them is clearly a Type 3, and this is the hardest thing for me to handle- when someone I care about doesn't care about me as much or at all.  I've already had one good friend do this to me and we were currently living in the same city!  To have this happen again isn't nearly as devastating because I'm so far away, but it isn't easy.  It makes me want to move back to Atlanta after grad school, but I really feel like that would be a step back for me, and I just don't know how to deal with the conflicting emotions of wanting to be around people that know me, and needing to stay away for the same reasons.  ugh.... being far away is hard.