Flowers

So, yesterday was a little rough, but I made it through the day without too many people thinking I am a freak (at least I hope). Matty H. did see me crying at Cherokee, because I just couldn't sit at home by myself any longer. Again, I felt like a freak, and could tell that he was a little uncomfortable with seeing my cry. Anyway, so I finally make it to the grocery store, walk in, and I see flowers, and I feel better. So I buy some flowers for myself.
Pink and yellow Gerber Daisies. They are great and just looking at them makes me feel better. And I realized what flowers can do for my outlook on the world, they can just totally be a pick me up. So, today is better, last night was better, and I have flowers sitting right by my bed so that it is the last thing that I see when I fall asleep and the first thing that I see when I wake up. It makes me smile, and everyone should always have fresh flowers sitting somewhere in their house/room/apartment. It really does help.

Bandwagon... Here I come

So, I got this off of Amy Salley's blog, which I got to from sam in a roundabout way... so here goes...

10 years ago:I was 11... good lord that was a long time ago. I was starting the sixth grade (?). Oh the glory years of being a huge geek with frizzy hair!!! (wait... is that the past or the present?)

5 years ago: ah... 16. Was driving, going to high school football games, and being 16. Was also an after school nanny.

1 year ago: I have no idea! I was in college and playing ultimate... the story of the last three years of my life!

Yesterday: Class and work. NO FUN.

Today: Work... NO CLASS!

Tomorrow: Leaving for Orlando! Click Click BOOM!

5 Snacks I enjoy: Corndogs, pringles, candy corn, oreos, and white cheddar cheeseits

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Nickle Creek, OAR, Pat Benetar, Sugar Land, Ingram Hill

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Go the Europe, give to the Red Cross, buy fields just for ultimate in Knoxville, take my friends on a tropical vacation, buy my family a house anywhere they would want

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Colorado!!!! Savannah, Charleston, Paris, Anywhere in Italy

5 things I like doing: playing Ultimate, chillin with my friends, camping, kayaking, sleeping

5 things I would never wear: mini skirts, ugg boots, mini skirts w/ ugg boots (BOO), TIGHT pants, anything uncomfortable

5 TV shows I like: Gilmore Girls, Law & Order: SVU, Crossing Jordan, CSI, and ER.

5 movies I like: French Kiss, Romey and Michelle's High School Reunion, Miracle, My Best Friend's Wedding, Mona Lisa Smile

5 famous people I'd like to meet: Orlando Bloom, Kira Knightly, Sean Connery, Eddie Cahill, Julia Roberts

5 biggest joys at the moment: Flowers, Family, Ultimate, Friends, Hugs!

5 favorite toys: ? A disc!!!

5 people who will do their own: No Idea... maybe sam, but that's the only person that I can think of that even reads this!

Tears

So, last Thursday my grandfather died. It was something that was unexpected, while at the same time my family and I knew it was coming. My mom called me on Thursday night and told me, and I just started crying, almost to the point of uncontrollable. My grandfather was past 85 years old, and had been in a nursing home since I was 17, and declining since before that. Yet, I still couldn't help but be surprised by this. Even now, as I sit here, I am on the verge of tears just thinking about it.
So my brother and I drove to Dyersburg, TN last Friday after he got out of class, and most of the rest of my family was there, or on their way. My Aunt and Uncle from ATL had to fly my cousin in from Germany (where he is stationed) so that he could make it to the funeral. And I thought that I would be fine with everything, the visitation and the funeral and all that, but I wasn't. The visitation was Saturday, and we got there, and between my grandmother crying, my dad crying and my brother crying, I couldn't control myself any longer either. I am sad that my grandfather died, but I couldn't handle seeing my grandmother in so much pain, nor could I handle my dad and brother crying. Both of them are usually so solid and strong. My brother crying, or any of my guy friends, seeing any of them in pain hurts me. I couldn't view my grandfather's body... I just couldn't. The thing that probably helped me get through the weekend though was how everyone was so understanding and just there for me. Lacey, my best friend since I was 5 let me just come and hang out with her last Thursday night so that I didn't have to be alone. My Shotgun girls sent me condolences and well wishes, and I am so sad that I haven't seen any of them in three weeks! Having Tom call me on Saturday meant a lot, because I know that he's been through this before. Lacey's parent's and our "family" (Jerry and Karen, David and Leighanne, Jean and Art). The family brought my cousin Owen from the Memphis airport. I just don't think I could have made it through this whole experience without any of them. They were there to help us clean, to support my parents at the visitation. I don't think Mrs. Wendy left my mom's side the whole time. These people mean more to me than anyone, especially now.
It's been close to two days since we buried my grandfather, and I can't seem to stop being sad. I have teared up in class all day, and I know that my professors and my classmates are thinking "that girl is a freak!", but I can't help it. I just get hit all of a sudden with a giant wave of sadness. And it's not all the time, and I'm trying to be my usual happy self, but it's hard.
So, to end a very depressing post, things are looking up. I know that my grandmother is partially relieved because my grandfather isn't in pain anymore, and my dad feels the same way. It's going to be hard for a while, so if anyone sees me tearing up at random times, just let me deal with it (and that might mean an outburst, or silently), but I'll be ok, because of all the wonderful people that I know are there if I need them. And I've realized that life is short, no matter what age you live to. So LIVE it to all the potential, and put yourself out there. It's the only way to enjoy it!

Click Click BOOM!

Ok, so i finally got a copy of the team. This is Shotgun... the team that I just absolutly LOVE!

(Bottom, L-R: Emily, Annie, Stace, Samantha, Me, Susie.

Middle: Scott, Natalie, Teddy, Jeremy, Justin.

Top: Adam, Avi, Ed, RayRay, Billy, Robert, John.)

Pay no attention to the man behind the disc... just some picture whore (someone who jumps in the background of other people's pictures!)

Where we come from and where we've been set the stage for who we are and where we're going...

Ok, funny (and ridiculously long) title right? Well, for once, there is a meaning behind it. So, this weekend I went home, and it was great. Saw the family, went to the Cooper Young festival in Memphis... Super fun times. While I was home though, we had the Countrywood Garage Sale, and my parents were getting rid of everything that they didn't want to move, but not before I got to go through everything that I wanted for when I graduate in December (which we don't talk about!). It was weird seeing so many things that have been in our house forever go to someone else. There were so many things that had no meaning what-so-ever, and then a few things that have been around since before I can remember. The other hard part about this weekend was that I also had to start cleaning out my room. Now understand, that this room has been my cave, my sanctuary since I was 11, when my brother and I switched rooms. Yes, it is small, with very little closet space, and the room I had before was HUGE with a walk-in closet. But this room was all mine. It is purple, with a purple plaid bead spread, a white iron bed bed, and kayaking and mountain pictures COVERING all the doors and most of the walls. There are shelves on two of the walls and they are also covered with picture frames of me and my friends from high school and before (but I don't talk about those times, and there are NO pictures being circulated! Bad Bad Bad!!!). This room is me from top to bottom. As I was starting to clean, and tear down everything off of my walls to throw away, and dusting and doing all of the things I hate, I found all of my old journals. I mean ancient. So I started to look through them, and I discovered a few things.

I am not that person anymore, and I don't know where she went. The journals dated back to pre-high school, up until the present. The person in those notebooks was someone who didn't really have a clue about the world, but was open to anything. Was self conscious, shy, and didn't really know how to stand up for herself. She weird, in a way that is endearing to me now, but I don't know how things went over then. I don't know how many people truly understood who that girl was, or where she was coming from, or even why she was there.

Now I realize, that the person I was then is not who I am now, but she set me up to be this way. She allowed me to be open to everything I have experienced in the last three years, to be open to new possibilities, and to be myself no matter the situation. I came to college an unhappy person, and I didn't want to stay here at all. But I did, because I don't give up, and I don't give into peer-pressure. I am just me, and if people don't like that, I have stopped caring. I'm ok putting myself out there, in most respects, but I am still kinda wary about letting people get too close, or letting myself fall too hard. I've had to pick myself up from falling for someone too many times, so I never get too deep into anything. That is probably the only thing that I would change: That I would trust myself, and others, more. Not everyone is out to hurt me. It's the hardest thing to learn. But that girl has also allowed me to be here in Knoxville, but also be ready to get away, to move somewhere new and start over again. That person that I was molded me into who I am, unknowingly, an I am forever grateful for her.

(ok, so this was a little lame, but I just had some " ah ha!" moments over the weekend... and Sam told me to post!!!)

Bitterness to end a decent weekend

So, this past weekend was East Coast sectionals at the Polo fields in ATL. Super fun, kinda. So friday, taylor and meredith rode down with me, and we stayed at Scotts. We get up early to drive to the fields, get there, and start playing, but not before McCargo calls me a traitor for allowing JOTS girls to ride with me. My response? "Riding by myself to EVERYTHING sucks!!!" So, we play Sequence, beat them (I have no idea what the score is), then Emory coed, beat them 15-1, and then Rival, whom we beat, 14-9. Not a shabby day. Winning our pool puts Shotgun in the semi's on Sunday automatically playing for the 1 seed to regionals. Get to the fields on Sunday morning, and have to play IP, who we beat at Shawn Adams last weekend. Things aren't going the same though, especially since we are down 8-3 at half. We finally get our shit together, and make a 12-3 run, winning the game 15-11. Then we have to play JOTS in the finals for the 1 seed. Well, again unlike last weekend, we come out SLOW. Down 8-3 at half again, but we get it together at tie the game up at 13, game to 14. Unfortunatly, we pull, run down to play defense, and Denmark throws to Folks for the score. That's it: not hard fought battle in the last point. A flick to Folks in the endzone and it's over. So, we lose the 1 seed by a point. So we should get the 2 seed right? WRONG! We have to play IP again for the SECOND time that day in a backdoor game. And after coming back twice, and then losing the 1 seed on Universe point, we just had nothing left. IP wins 15-5. IT SUCKED! I've personally decied that backdoor games are stupid and pointless, and that we should automatically get the 2 seed, because we lost the 1 seed game. But ya know, that's just me.

On the bright side, we did get to hang out at McCargo's on Saturday night. We swam, watched ALOT of football (mostly the Bama game), and ate lots of food. That was fun. So, we are headed to Orlando on October 1-2 for regionals, where hopefully we will do well. Practice in Birmingham in two weeks, so get to see everyone then! Other than that, not much going on in my life, nor will there be anytime soon. Ultimate is my life, and it's not letting go in the near future!

Just A Few Pics

Joint Summit 2004 @ Clemson. There are very few pictures of me actually doing anything while playing ultimate. There are FAR more of me like this! Big Orange Screw at Itchfest 2003 @ Vanderbuilt. I LOVE this team!
Agent Orange and Big Orange Screw, Itchfest 2002. I love this picture, for a few reasons. It was my very first tournament, and it is the ONLY picture that I've ever had of the men and women together. And it's a bit old school... few people in this pic are actually still around!
This is the most current picture of me. It is also one of the best. It was taken this past summer up at my grandparents house.

S.A.M.S.G.U.T.

Ok, so that stands for Shawn Adams Memorial Spirit of the Game Ultimate Tournament, and it was this past weekend in Chattanooga. It was an absolute blast! The weather was amazing on Saturday, with a light cool breeze all day. I played with my mixed team, Shotgun (Click Click BOOM!), and we did amazing.
On Saturday we started out our first game agains USN Brutal Grassburn, the highschool team from Nashville. We won 13-2, but very VERY sloppy on our part. I was just happy to finally beat them, since whatever team I have been on has lost to them the last three times I've played them. Next we played Axis, from Austin, TX. Apparently this team beat Show 'n Tail last year at Regionals, but again, a Shotgun victory of 13-2. We had a bye, and I went and watched my knoxville ladies. Our third game was against IP, from the lowland south, and it was our game of the day. We played well, but so did they. final score: us 13-them 10. Our final game was against Mike O., which had a ton of Nooga people on it, actually all Nooga people. We won 13-5, but we played down and were tired. A win's a win though.
Ray's mom cooked us dinner on Saturday night though, and it was amazing!!!!!!! She cooked for almost 30 people! After dinner Susie, Sam, Billy, Amy, Jennie (Rival girls) and I went to the party. We were the first one's there, but we dealt with it, and ended up starting the dance party. It was AMAZING. No alcohol involved on my part, just a good time and lots and lots of dancing. Dancing on speakers was definatly involved! I had far far too much fun!
On Sunday, Ray's mom cooked for us again for breakfast, and we almost were late for our first game. We played Sequence in Quarters, winning 15-5. Next we played Rival. Such a different game from Savannah, and we had to play harder than in Savannah. They abused the fact that we only had 5 healthy girls, playing us 4 women, three men every chance they got. I even got a D off of the first throw after the pull (good for me, but being the slowest person on our team, i should NEVER be the first one all the way down field after the pull!!!), and in the end we won 15-10.
Finals: Shotgun vs. JOTS. This is my personal game, the one I wanted all weekend. I wanted to prove that we were better, and that I am better. We went up 4-2, then they went up 5-4. We took half 9-6, and didn't look back. Final score was 17-11!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It felt so good to win this game, and I was SO fired up the whole time, running my ass off against Meredith, who was killing me, cheering for my team the whole time. It was AMAZING.
So Shotgun wins the mixed division. For most of us it was our first time winning a tournament. It felt amazing. It still feels amazing three days later. Sunday night, a couple of us stayed at Ray's again, and just hung out with each other. It was a good weekend, and a good warmup for Sectionals in ATL this weekend! Hopefully some pictures to follow soon!

Catchup...

So, this is new for me, and I may ramble a bit, so bear with me. I will probably use this as a way to keep my family and friends back home updated on what is going on in my life, since I am not super great at keeping in touch with anyone besides my mom and dad. I am currently residing in Knoxville, but will be graduating in December with a Bachelors degree in Geography and an minor in history (making me SUPER unemployable), getting a job somewhere doing something that someone will pay me for! Kidding... I am hoping to get a job being a cartographer (making maps) for a company in ATL, Chattanooga, or in Nashville. If none of those places work out, I have no preferences, I just want a job.
Currently my parents are getting our house ready to sell so that they can move into my grandparents house in Dyersburg, TN. Kinda sad and scary at the same time because I've lived in that house since I was 5, and I don't know what it will be like to not live there. It won't affect me too much, since I'm graduating in a few months, but it will still be weird not to go home to my tiny room that is my "cave". So, the plan is to have the house ready to sell by October 1, and hopefully have it sold my Christmas. As long as I get to go home (and by home I still mean Memphis) for Christmas Eve service at Advent, and church on Christmas Day (it's a Sunday this year!), I'll be happy.
I also play Ultimate Frisbee (from here on out just referred to as "ultimate"), which will more than likely be written about more than anything else. Sorry, when you're addicted to something, you can't help it. I've been playing for about three years, and this past weekend at S.A.M.S.G.U.T. in Chattanooga (aka: Nooga) I won my first tournament with my mixed team, Shotgun (more on all of that some other time... maybe tomorrow). It was great! I also play with the UT women, the Big Orange Screw, and I love all of them so much, and I am going to miss them more than anything in the spring when I am not here. Thankfully I know that all of the hard work I put in as president for two years will be worth it, because the program is still alive and starting to kick!
So,life is going, just zooming by far too quickly, and sometimes, you just have to hold on tight and see where it takes you.