Defining Oneself

This past weekend I went to the University of Kansas for a geography conference, and while some may believe (well... all 4 of you) that I should regale you all with my tales of how dorky geography conferences are, I'm just not going to. The part of the trip that made the biggest impression on me was the car ride. I crammed my big ass into a 5 person car with 4 other adults for 2, 12 hour days (Friday and Sunday). I know, I've done this before for frisbee, but trust me, this was different in so many ways. Particularly the conversations we had in the car. I enjoyed it, and listening and learning about how different these other people have lived their lives, but one question that was posed stuck with me more than any other:

How do we define ourselves?

It got me thinking. How do I define myself? Is it geographically? The people in my life? The people that are no longer in my life? The kinds of relationships I've cultivated for the long haul or the one's that are more day-to-day? How I have or have not reacted to various situations?

I ended up thinking about this most of the way home, in a quiet, looking out the window, day dreaming kind of way. I thought about it enough that I think I've come up with a loose definition of who I am, but how can it ever be concrete when everything everyday changes who we are as people? Anyway- here is my definition of myself.

I'm a Tennessee girl first and a southerner second. I'm always an American, but Tennessee is where I was raised and it's a place I miss a lot, which surprises me at times. I love the outdoors and being outside in the woods, but I have developed into a city girl. I define this in this way because I use the woods as an escape- I don't think I want to live out in the woods anymore. I like cities. I like that I can be just as alone in a city as I can out in the woods or on a river. A nameless face in a sea of people works for me.
I am someone who has come to cherish my friends beyond belief, because they are my family. They believe in me and I believe in them, and the ones' that matter stick around through my rough spots. I don't always like the way I've reacted to various situations in the past, but I hope that I've learned from them and that I won't make the same mistakes again- whether it's how I react or continuing to trust people that don't deserve it.
I don't believe in regrets, and I don't have regrets. I believe that I have made or not made decisions for a reason, and I don't think I should look back with regret- instead look forward. I am not afraid (most of the time) to do something new and different, and totally off the wall (i.e.: moving to WY), but I never do things that could result in a broken heart. I keep that locked up inside me behind a wall that is 10 ft. thick. I don't know how to change this, but I'm working on it.
My family is the most important thing to me, whether they are blood or chosen. I didn't have a huge family growing up, so we made our own. I've continued to do that wherever I move, and I believe Atlanta is now more home to me than anywhere else.

I'm not sure how else to articulate what I'm feeling after that car ride, but that's it, kinda. I know that I know who is important in my life, and I've tried to cut out the people that aren't or are bad for me. I try to appreciated my parents and my grandmother more, and especially my little brother. I'm trying to work on my friendships from Memphis that still matter, despite the distance and time difference, and it's hard. But the thing I know the most, that I believe in the most, is that the people and relationships that mean the most are the ones worth working the hardest for. Because those are what truly define a person.

Atlanta: December 28-January 9

I've decided that while there has been lots going on in my life, none of it is terribly interesting, nor do I really feel like updating on the last month or so. Here is what you need to know: I've over scheduled myself, and barely spend anytime in my apartment. I miss it, and can't wait until the first weekend in November where I'm literally going to stay in my pajams all weekend and not leave from friday after I get back from frisbee until I have to work that Sunday.

Otherwise, I'm already making my list of things to do while I'm in Atlanta.
1. Eat good food- this actually deserves its own sublist because all I want is good food in the great variety that only Atlanta has. Taqueria del sol, Six Feet Under, West Egg, Radial Cafe, Fellini's, Mellow Mushroom, Figo, Osteria... the list just keeps going.
2. Have a kick ass NYE... doing something somewhere that I don't have to drive.
3. See as many people that I love and miss dearly as entirely possibly in just over 10 days.