One hell of an adventure

So... it's almost that time.  My time in Wyoming is nearly up, and I am as stressed as I've ever been.  I keep telling myself it's a good thing I've already had shingles, because now would be perfect for me to get it.  I feel like the field that I'm attempting to make a career in is not for me, but it's far too late in the game to change that, and I do want to pursue it.  It may be hard since the professor that I've had for my GIS classes likely thinks I'm a dumbasss and an emotional mess at this point, but whatever.  I just have to get through one defense tomorrow, finish a spatial modeling lab, edit an annotated bibliography, do a short writeup for the python code I've been working on, and actually finish the code (those last four things are for the one class I'm taking).  I'm almost there... so close I can see the light.

Next Thursday I pack all my worldly belongings into a trailer, and on Friday afternoon I head east, and then south, as fast as my 1996 Jeep and a full trailer will carry me... which is only 55mph, but whatever.  It's faster than I have been going to leave Laramie.  And I am ready to leave this place- it's been fun, and sometimes it's sucked, and I've been pretty lonely, but it's definitely been an adventure.  I've gotten to see and do things I never thought I would, and it's shown me that I want to stay in the West, at least for a  couple more years (but first, must get a job).  I've also learned a lot while out here- like the kinds of climates I like (not Laramie- it's too cold and windy, but I do like snow; and not the South- it's too hot and humid there.  I realize I've now discarded the majority of the United States), the kinds of outdoorsy things I can and/or are willing to do, and the people that matter in my life.  There's nothing like moving half way across the country to learn who your friends really are (probably my toughest lesson as I want everyone I love to love me the same, but that isn't how life works).

So, it's definitely been an adventure, and not one I regret.  I thought I regretted coming out here and leaving the South, but really I don't.  It got me out of the box that I was in in Atlanta and showed me that I can survive somewhere else.  It also taught me I'm not quite ready to head back there either- I'm finally ready for a new adventure somewhere else.  I guess I'll have to see where I end up, but hopefully it's on this side of the country :)

My biggest fear

For many years, I've always said that my biggest fear was tearing my ACL, which is still a very real fear of mine, because I'm just not sure that I'm strong enough of that I love ultimate enough anymore to come all the way back (or my version of "all the way back") from something like that. 

But really, as I've come to realize over the last year or so, is that my biggest fear is that I'll return south, but specifically Atlanta, because I'll never find people here like I have there.  It seems dumb, but it is what it is.  I am so afraid that I'll never find the friends that I have there (I do love my roommates here- they're the closest thing I've got right now) in Wyoming, or out west at all.  And I realize that I live in Laramie, so there are lots and lots of people that are WAY younger than me, so that makes it hard, but I've always been able to make friends in a new place within 6 months.  This time, it took over a year, and it's just a few people.  Am I going to have to go back to Atlanta to be comfortable and have people that know me or to even find a guy that I find interesting enough and attractive enough?

That's the fear- that after all the time I spent wanting to live in the west, and all the time and effort I put into getting out here, that I'll fail in the social department and never be happy until I'm back South.  I mean, I want to end up there eventually, but not just yet.  I'm afraid that I'll get my version of a dream job back in TN or GA, and I'll say yes without even looking further.  Ugh....

Season Schizophrenia

I know, all four of you that read this may be wondering, what in the hell Loopy?  But I have come to the decision that I am suffering from season schizophrenia.  This past Wednesday I woke up, and was just kinda pissed.  At what specifically, I don't know, but I was just in a bad mood from minute 1 that I was awake.  I tried on about five or six things, and the best I could come up with was jeans, walabees, a t-shirt, and a pull-over fleece.  I looked terrible, and I didn't care.  I was completely apathetic towards life and school.  Later in the day I realized that my mind was saying, screaming "IT'S THE BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY!  IT'S TIME TO START BREAKING INTO SPRING, GET THOSE SANDALS AND SHORT SLEEVE SHIRTS OUT AND PUT UP THE COATS AND SWEATERS!!!!"  All I wanted was spring- a good ol' southern/east coast style spring.  One where yes, there high chance of getting a snow day here and there, but there's also the possibility that it's going to be 70 degrees and sunny- so warm that one almost thinks about wearing shorts.  Skirts come out, sandals are thrown on, and a light jacket or cardigan are just barely necessary during the day.  I love those days- crisp yet warm, beautiful with the bluest sky you'll see all year.  My body and mind were telling me that it is time for spring.

Unfortunately Laramie has a different idea.  Thursday night it started snowing, it snowed into yesterday, and a little bit this morning.  Yesterday I ended up having to walk around in it due to going to and from the gym for a non-existent indoor practice, and it was beautiful.  Laramie had that muffled quality that snow gives, where the world is quieter than it should have been, and everything was white and sparkled.  It wasn't terribly cold, so it was pleasant and beautiful.  I love walking when it's snowing, when it just falls from the sky straight down.  I think being a southern kid kinda makes me love it more than most of the people out west, but I can't help it.

And this is where the season schizophrenia comes in- as much as I want spring to get here (even though it's MONTHS away still here), I enjoyed the snow yesterday and today.  I guess I want a little bit of both, but my southern mind is telling me it's spring and Laramie is saying something very different.  Stupid season schizophrenia.