Looking back

I never thought I was one of those people that looked back. Recently I have learned differently.

When I graduated from high school and moved to Knoxville for school, I did not have the easiest transition, but I made it through a rough month or so of not belonging and living in hell that is Humes (for so many reasons that I am just not going to go into here), I started playing ultimate, and never looked back, only going back to Memphis for breaks and never being in town for longer than three weeks one May and every Christmas. I was in Knoxville more than anyone I had grown up with-- I actually lived in Knoxville during college. I didn't just go to school there.

When I graduated from college in December 2005, I was done. I packed up my teeny-tiny apartment before graduation, I cleaned it, I moved what I needed down to Atlanta in shifts over the course of the months of November and December. I was done, and a few hours after I walked across the stage in Thompson-Bowling Arena, I was outta there. Two days later I showed up in Atlanta, unloaded my car, and then a few days after that I went home for the holidays. In January I started possibly the worst job ever, and since then have gone through many changes (job, life, emotional, ultimate), but I haven't looked back. I was done with Knoxville that day i drove out with my car full and ready to start again.

Since I have moved to Atlanta, I go back to Knoxville occasionally, usually for graduations or ultimate related events. I have only gone back to Memphis to see Lacey and her family, but with my immediate family elsewhere (or should i say, the middle of no where, TN), I had no other reason, and the trees have become more infrequent. I can honestly say that I haven't ever looked back with regret on anything I've done or with longing for something that is no more.

Until this past weekend. This past weekend I drove to Rome, GA for my friend Matt's engagement party. A few things that must be known before I go on:
1) Matt and I grew up together in Memphis. We went to the same high school. We went to the same church. We were on PYC together. And we grew up within five square miles of 95% of the people we also grew up with.
2) Matt falls into my pattern of friends that are of the male persuasion: sarcastic as hell, and yet I continue to be friends with him. What does that actually say about me?
3) No matter what, we can always pick up where we left off from the last time we hung out/talked on the phone.

So yeah... went to the party. I knew four people there: Matt, Brian, and Matt's parents. I've met Matt's fiance before, but I don't know her all that well. So I hung out with Brian and Matt's parents for most of the night (Matt was otherwise engaged). It was awesome, but also really weird. It was good to see two people that have known me since I was in middle school, but at the same time it was really hard (mostly getting a lecture on a life choice). The hardest part was the thought that struck me on the way home though:

I actually miss it.

I miss the people I grew up with. I miss the fact that they have known me for a long time, and know my past mistakes. They know my family. We all share something that my friends since then don't share with me: memories of those super awkward years. Memories of pranks, trips, and Sunday evenings. Of high school. But at the same time, except for a handful of those people I grew up with, they also don't get me now. They don't understand who I am, and many of them don't even care. And that is the hardest part: some get me now, some don't. Some didn't get me then. Yet- I miss that.

Looking back isn't as bad as I thought it was. I used to think to grow and move on in life, that I couldn't look back with fondness on the people and things from my life growing up. I learned that it is OK to look back. It's just hard to come to terms with what looking back reveals about oneself.

The End of an Era

Big Orange Screw and Agent Orange

Itchfest 2002

It is official-- it is the end of the first era of Big Orange Screw Ultimate. I know that it has been around for seven full years as a true team, but this is the first year that the past captains and alumni have absolutely no influence over the team, and the first year since its existence that BOS is not going to Itchfest. Itchfest is the first tournament that 95% of all rookies have gone to. It was my first tournament, and this weekend marks my 6th ultimate anniversary (yes... i know i am a dork, and I'm OK with that). Over the last seven years, there have been five generations of captains, and each one took a little of the one before them into their reign.

Until now. The girls are totally different, and that's OK. The current captain this year is someone who doesn't really know the alumni that well, and i don't think she particularly wants too either. The only alumni she really knows are Erin and Nikki, but she isn't the same kind of player or leaders as either of them. The team this year has a more serious vibe, along with a more serious coach, and hopefully they will perform better and more competitively than past teams... lord knows i talk them up around ATL, so hopefully they'll live up to the hype that i continue to spread around.

Big Orange Screw: Joint Summit 2004

But it makes me sad to realize that this isn't my team anymore, and it doesn't resemble any team that I was a part of, or the one's that came directly after me at all. These girls are doing things that I only wish I could have done with my team, but they are doing things that I don't get at all. Not going to Itchfest is one, but also not letting alumni practice (or Knoxville women for that matter). I guess it is a difference in times and numbers: during my time as captain, we were lucky to get enough out to scrimmage 6 vs 6, and that was with help from the local club women. My first year as captain, we played hotbox after running drills and learning plays because we just didn't have enough for anything else. And we always let alumni come and practice with us if they were in town... always. I mean really practice: drills, scrimmage, everything.

But times have changed, and it is hard to watch something that I worked so hard to keep together and that Erin fought so hard to build to what it is kinda go in a completely different direction-- or at least a different direction vibe wise. We all hoped that UT would be this competitive (mostly because we all were on the inside), but we always wanted it to be the fun, welcoming team that it was for us. I guess at some point you have to let it go and watch it grow, no matter the direction. But I'll always be a Big Orange Screw supporter and groupie.

Big Orange Screw and Brutal Girls: Itchfest 2002

geography change

I am still unemployed, as all of the three people that read my blog very well know. I have been out of graduate school since the very beginning of July. I have two degrees (both of which are turning out to be useless- not just the first one like i thought). I am certified in four subject areas to be able to teach- two middle school and two high school. And yet NOTHING.

A while ago I started freaking out about this, having slight panic attacks even just thinking about the fact that i have no income and bills that need to be paid (or paid off). And then I realized that this is the perfect opportunity for me. I mean, outside of the amazing friends I have in Atlanta, and my family here, I have nothing keeping me here. I've always told people that I don't ever want to be tied down; that when i decide to up and move, i can without too many problems. And since, like i said, I don't really have a job holding me in Atlanta, I'm going to do something that I have always wanted to.

I'm going to move to Colorado.

I have wanted to live in Colorado since the first time I went out there when I was 15. There has always been something about it that has drawn me there-- there is something about the West that just does that anyway. But since Colorado was always the dream, that is where I'm going to start (much to Lauren's dismay).
Here is the plan: for the next 8 or so months, I am going to sub (since Dekalb county FINALLY emailed me about becoming a sub, for real), work at the preschool, babysit my ass off, and do just about anything else to pay off some bills and save money. I'm going to work on getting my initial Colorado teaching license, and work my ass off getting a job in Colorado, and move out there sometime July next year. Even if i don't have a job, I'm getting out there and looking for one doing whatever, I don't care. But i feel like it is time for something different, and Colorado seems the best choice. I mean, why not? and I know if I don't do this now, I won't do it at all, and I'll regret it forever. So here we go.

Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game

Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game

First the Presidential candidates debated, and now it's the Vice Presidential candidates' turn. Tonight is the Vice Presidential Debate between Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin in St. Louis. As entertaining as it might be on its own, why not make a Drinking Game out of it? Here are they key words to listen for so you can take a shot! (I would suggest only choosing a few of these phrases/words, otherwise, you won't be making it to work tomorrow)

my opponent
any old-school female reference (honey, doll, sweetheart)
Obama/McCain
Alaska
Russia
Bridge to Nowhere
reigning in
shore up
microchosm
Clinton
shake up Washington
change
Vice-President
anytime Biden goes over alotted time
economy
any reference to age
fundamentals
experience
hockey
Mom
pipeline
Maverick
Main Street or Wall Street
good ole boys or old boy network
the ticket
calling Moderator by first name to stall for time
Senator
recession

This could be hilarious!

Tippin with $10-ers-- It was that kind of a weekend

Yes, I realize that this is the same title as my album from my past weekend of events, but hey... it describes the weekend more perfectly than any other phrase.



Auburn vs. Tennessee weekend. The battle of SEC orange. I've been waiting for this weekend for years, basically since I became an Auburn groupie, and it was about damn time it rolled around. I've been looking forward to this weekend, like I said for years, and I've been talking about it for weeks. And, while talking about it, acquired more people to go with so that I not only got to go, but didn't have to drive and got to split gas! (always a plus these day). too bad the Vols couldn't live up to the hype in my mind.



Needless to say, outside of the sad showing that is currently TN football, the weekend was a complete success. It started with happy hour running into the rest of the night, all at the same bar... 8 hours at the same bar. Well, around 8:45 Stacey tells everyone to buy two more drinks, only 15 more minutes to $2 well drinks... that's right, I said $2 well drinks. so needless to say, there were more vodka waters siting on the table than entirely necessary to keep anyone buzzed for the rest of the night, but hey, it happens. So eventually, I make it home around 5 am, where i call Amy 25 times in about 15min until she finally comes downstairs and lets me in to the apartment.



Fast forward to the next day, post 3.5 hours of sleep, post tailgate wandering, post Tennessee losing a game that Auburn tired to give us (I still don't want to talk about it!!!!), and enter into the party that Amy decided would be a good idea... the Phallus Phood party. that's right. just imagine: too many ultimate kids in one place with too much beer, and lots of food that resembled... well, a phallus. It was amazing and ridiculous, and at some point broke down into a round of waterfall, shotgunning, and a dance party. And I went to bed at 1:30-- that's right. That's what happens when you are up for 22 hours Friday, sleep for 3 hours, then party and drink all day.

SO, in conclusion: good weekend. Typical, crazy, ridiculous, good weekend. In the words of Amy: "This is Auburn"

Pictures:
Tipping with $10-ers
When I grow up I want to be a professor... and a Cougar!