Adjusting

I sometimes wonder if I am adjusting at all to living here in Atlanta. I've been here for two months now, and so far I hate my job, have a very limited number of friends, and haven't been playing nearly as much ultimate as I should be. I have a social life that that revolves around exercising once a week during track practices, and going to tournaments. Again except for the handful of friends that I had before I moved here, I have not met anyone new, nor do I ever go out. All of this makes me wonder if I made the right decision at all to move to Atlanta. But what other choices did I really have? I could have stayed in Knoxville. But if I really liked it there then I wouldn't have been out of town every weekend for the last six months I was there. And I do miss people there, and the just easy hanging out, but I didn't feel like I belonged there anymore. I also could have moved home (gasp! horror!) to Dyersburg. (Where? EXACTLY.) That one was out. Or I could have moved back to Memphis, my real home. Yes, I could have lived in MY house for free while Mom and Dad are trying to sell it, I probably even could have worked at the Gap there close to full time if I really wanted. But I don't really belong in Memphis anymore either. As much as I love Memphis (even though I say that I hate it) I don't belong there. Except for Katie (and Mandy whom I haven't seen since highshcool) I don't have any friends there either. Despite all of those choices being the wrong ones, I don't know if this one was the right one either.

At the begining of my freshman year of college I felt like this alot. I had just gone through sorority rush (no comments, please) and had been rejected from all of them. All of my suite mates and every fricking girl on my floor was in a sorority. And that was fine, but I just didn't fell like I belonged. It was really hard, and I contemplated moving back home. I was really sad and desprate. And eventually I started playing ultimate, and things got much better, I know that I wouldn't have made it through those terrible couple of weeks if it hadn't been for Lacey. In the sixteen years we've known each other, this is the first time we haven't lived in the same city... or even a couple of miles from each other. During college, I knew that I could always depend on her when things got rough, even though we didn't really hang out that often.

Now, I don't even have Lacey here to lean on. I have Samantha and Teddy and Susie, and a few other people, but it's not the same as the person that has known you since you were five. I'm just feeling a little insecure lately... sorry for this pitty party. I'm just trying to figure out if any of the decisions have been the right ones, or if all of this was just too soon for me, or just wrong completely. Hopefully things will start to look up soon...